Dear TBZ Community:
We continue the saga of Joseph and his brothers in this week’s Torah portion, Parshat Vayigash. At this time, Joseph’s brothers don’t know their fate as Joseph does not let them go back to their father, Jacob. In this moment of uncertainty, Judah approaches Joseph with a plea for forgiveness. Even though Judah doesn’t know he is speaking to his brother, he feels compelled to express his pain to Joseph and begs him to allow them to return home.
Joseph then reveals himself and tells his brother who he really is. Joseph tells them not to be distressed (Genesis 45:5):
וְעַתָּה אַל־תֵּעָצְבוּ וְאַל־יִחַר בְּעֵינֵיכֶם כִּי־מְכַרְתֶּם אֹתִי הֵנָּה כִּי לְמִחְיָה שְׁלָחַנִי אֱלֹהִים לִפְנֵיכֶם
Now, do not be distressed or reproach yourselves because you sold me hither; it was to save life that God sent me ahead of you.
Joseph tells them to hurry back home, to let their father know he is alive, and to bring Jacob to Egypt. As they prepare for the travel, there is one thing that Joseph says to his brothers that is worth paying attentions to (Genesis 45:24):
וַיֹּאמֶר אֲלֵהֶם אַל־תִּרְגְּזוּ בַּדָּרֶךְ
He told them, “Do not be quarrelsome on the way.”
Why would Joseph say these words to them, especially after this joyous reunion? What is he imagining will happen on the way back?
Rashi, the medieval commentator, explains:
Because they felt ashamed he feared that they might quarrel on the way about his having been sold, arguing one with another. One would say: “It was through you he was sold.” Another: “It was you who made slanderous statements about him and caused us to hate him.”
Ibn Ezra also explains:
Don’t be angry with each other because of my being sold into slavery.
Joseph fears that the brothers will start to blame each other. Perhaps the guilt they felt, the fear for his fate, the many years of not knowing, or the suffering they brought to their father will now come out in rivalry between them. Of course, we don’t know much about how the siblings felt while Joseph’s fate was unknown. We don’t know if they blamed each other or if they even talked about it. But now they know the truth and Joseph is encouraging them not to linger in the past but to move forward. Not to worry about what exactly happened, but to see what can happen now. Perhaps Joseph is saying to them, “I forgive you. Now you have to forgive each other – and you have to forgive yourselves.”
Poet and author David Whyte writes about forgiveness:
Forgiveness is a heartache and difficult to achieve because, strangely, it not only refuses to eliminate the original wound but actually draws us closer to its source. To approach forgiveness is to close in on the nature of the hurt itself, the only remedy being, as we approach its raw centre, to reimagine our relation to it.
For the brothers, “the wound” was gone. Now as they have faced, and come closer to, Joseph, they have to fully accept the pain, the guilt, the loss. Rivalry between siblings was what started it all. Joseph says, “lets learn, let’s move on, let’s grow and not make the same mistakes. Do not quarrel. Do not blame each other.”
This teaching is so powerful and important, in our personal lives as well as in the ways we think of our society collectively. We hurt and we get hurt, that is what being human is. The question is how we move on. How do we find the courage and resilience to keep going? Do we get stuck in the past, in the details, or are we able to move forward, with new learning, with growth?
In a time of so much pain and brokenness, I find this an important reminder to move forward with resilience and courage, with forgiveness and compassion, even in the difficulty of the present and of the past.
May God bring blessing and comfort to all of us and our loved ones. May we find strength, courage, and patience, and open our hearts with generosity. May all those who are ill find healing.
May the hostages soon be returned to their families and friends; may peace prevail and may the leaders of the world know to prioritize life. May those who are working for peace be granted strength and courage to continue their sacred work, and may we soon see peace and dignity for all.
Shabbat Shalom.
Rav Claudia