Dear TBZ Community:
Like in our weekly Torah portion, Vayishlach, this past week has been filled with encounters. Not of estranged brothers, as we read in the parasha (Torah portion), but of children with their families, of grandmothers with their loved ones. Each and every day since hostages have started to be released has been a day of waiting, of crying, of hoping, of imagining that embrace. The combination of relief and perhaps even joy of each of the hostages coming home to their loved ones. The heartbreak and deep pain of the unthinkable reality that they come back to. The fact that so many are still not home is hard to hold. How do we hold both the relief and the pain?
For the first time, I am reading the verse of the encounter between Esau and Jacob after twenty years of separation, not as one of estranged brothers, but as “just brothers.” I am, for sure, taking the verse out of its context, but I am finding inspiration and deep torah for this moment.
וַיָּרץ עֵשָׂו לִקְרָאתוֹ וַיְחַבְּקֵהוּ וַיִּפֹּל עַל־צַוָּארָו וַיִּשָּׁקֵהוּ וַיִּבְכּוּ
Esau ran to greet him. He embraced him and, falling on his neck, he kissed him; and they wept
The longing in this verse is so palpable. The running, the hugging, the kissing, the crying.
This week, we have seen so many pictures and videos of children running to hug their parents, of tears and smiles. I know I have cried every single time witnessing these encounters, even from afar. I have spent time learning their stories, and praying that their coming home brings some healing to them and their loved ones.
There is another part in this week’s parasha, that seems disconnected to the encounter between Esau and Jacob, but is intrinsic to their encounter: Just before Jacob prepares to meet his brother, he spends the night alone.
וַיִּוָּתֵר יַעֲקֹב לְבַדּוֹ וַיֵּאָבֵק אִישׁ עִמּוֹ עַד עֲלוֹת הַשָּׁחַר
Jacob was left alone. And a figure [Divine agent] wrestled with him until the break of dawn.
At this time, Jacob receives his new name, the name Israel:
וַיֹּאמֶר לֹא יַעֲקֹב יֵאָמֵר עוֹד שִׁמְךָ כִּי אִם־יִשְׂרָאֵל כִּי־שָׂרִיתָ עִם־אֱלֹהִים וְעִם־אֲנָשִׁים וַתּוּכָל
Said he, “Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with beings divine and human,and have prevailed.”
But Jacob not only receives a new name, he also gets hurt. That is a moment of vulnerability, a moment of pain.
In the context of the biblical story, it seems that Jacob’s journey to reconciliation with his brother, and perhaps even his journey of forgiveness for himself, comes only after a personal transformation, through becoming vulnerable.
In the context of the release of the hostages, I am imagining Jacob’s experience, as one of fear, of wrestling, of that which is unimaginable, of hurting, of coming back limping from an unknown journey, of coming transformed. Unlike Jacob’s experience, the hostages have not had a positive, growth needed transformation, but a traumatic and unthinkable one.
I don’t know what it is like for the families to welcome back their loved ones and embrace them with joy; to also hold the pain after the trauma they have gone through. I can’t even imagine this.
But I am holding the image of two siblings, coming together in the most painful and joyful embrace that anyone can imagine. One that comes with whispers, love, relief, guilt, tears, and so much pain… but also joy. And it is in that image that I also find comfort for the whirlwind of feelings and emotions that I experience every day since October 7th.
Every week at TBZ, we have been updating the list of the hostages that is displayed at the entrance of the sanctuary. I receive daily updates from a group in Israel that updates the names (in Hebrew) and this week, every time I get of a notification that the list has been updated, I said the words, from the morning blessings:
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה׳ אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם. מַתִּיר אֲסוּרִים
Blessed are you Adonai who releases the captive.
And I pray and hope that each encounter can bring some healing, some hope, and some light for the days ahead.
May we find compassion for one another.
May this Shabbat bring blessings and consolation to all of you and your loved ones. May we find strength, courage, and patience, and open our hearts with generosity.
May all those who are ill find healing. And may we find joy in the midst of darkness.
May all the hostages come home soon to their families and friends, and may we see peace.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rav Claudia