Shortly after October 7th, I checked in with a dear Israeli friend to see how he was doing. Though he shared many thoughts, one response sticks with me. He told me:
“.אני רוצה נקמה”
“I want revenge.”
I understood the pain and anger underneath that desire. Nearly ten months later, as I watch the war in Gaza and Israel from afar, that word, nekama, revenge, still rings in my ears. And it appears in this week’s Torah portion, Mattot-Masei, as the justification for a war against Midian.
The women of Midian have recently seduced the Israelites with sex and idolatry and now God instructs Moses, in Numbers 31:2:
.נְקֹם, נִקְמַת בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל, מֵאֵת, הַמִּדְיָנִים; אַחַר, תֵּאָסֵף אֶל-עַמֶּיךָ
Avenge (nokem nekamat) the Israelite people on the Midianites; then you shall be gathered to your kin.
The Hebrew is emphatic: You must enact revenge, says God to Moses, before you die.
So the Israelites do. They go to war with the people of Midian and slaughter every Midianite man, including the five kings of Midian plus Bilam, the prophet who had recently attempted to curse the people and is held responsible for inspiring the Midianites’ seduction of the Israelites. The Israelite soldiers bring back the children and women as spoils, along with numerous animals and booty.
When Moses sees the captives, he is incensed. He instructs the people to kill every male child and any woman who is not a virgin, while the virginal women and girls are to be kept alive but held captive.
The Torah records 32,000 women and girls who are taken captive. That’s a lot of captives. And we can only imagine how many people died.
When I think about how easily the Israelites capture and slaughter women and children in this story, I feel totally unsettled. I don’t want taking hostages to be a part of the book that is our spiritual center, and yet, there it is. I don’t want revenge to be the motivation of any of our wars, and yet, there it is.
What do we do with a challenging narrative like this, in light of the ongoing war in Israel and Gaza and the hostages who remain in captivity?
One of the central teachings in the Torah, part of which we sing every Shabbat and throughout the week during Boker Tov davening, is ve’ahavta lereacha kamocha, you must love your fellow as yourself. Reminding ourselves of this mitzvah (commandment) at the beginning of prayer is a practice of the 16th Century mystic and kabbalist Isaac Luria (also known as Ha-Ari or Arizal).
But what’s missing when we say those words are the first two words of the verse (Leviticus 19:18)?
לֹא-תִקֹּם
Lo Tikom (from the same root as nekama) — You shall not take vengeance
And at the end of Deuteronomy, Moses will poetically relay that God says:
.לִי נָקָם וְשִׁלֵּם, לְעֵת תָּמוּט רַגְלָם: כִּי קָרוֹב יוֹם אֵידָם, וְחָשׁ עֲתִדֹת לָמוֹ
Li Nakom — To me belongs vengeance, and recompense, when their foot slides: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.
Vengeance is mine, says God.
That is, vengeance is in God’s domain, not ours. It is not up to us to act upon our desires for revenge. Only God can choose revenge.
On Tuesday night, I sat in the sanctuary of Temple Sinai and listened to a panel of Israelis who all have family members who were taken hostage on October 7th. They shared about their family members and the trauma that they have all endured and continue to endure. They spoke about how they are fighting to bring their loved ones home, to secure a ceasefire and end the violence so that everyone in the region can live, so that Israel and Palestine can begin building toward a better future. They spoke of their fears and their rage at a government that does not act on behalf of the majority of Israelis, at a prime minister who continues a war so that he can stay in power and avoid going to jail, and at a powerful extremist right who sees October 7th as a perfect opportunity to occupy and settle Gaza. These Israelis have been protesting without rest in Israel and are now traveling in America with a clear call to support a hostage deal to bring home the hostages who are already out of time. (Some of their loved ones who were taken alive to Gaza and who were alive at the time of the first hostage deal are now reported as deceased.)
Despite their suffering, not once did they speak of revenge or of punishment. Instead they are focused on getting their loved ones home and building a better future without violence, without hostages, without unnecessary suffering.
If they had expressed wanting revenge, I wouldn’t have judged them. But they didn’t. And even so, wanting revenge and taking revenge are different things. May we all remember that distinction. As our Torah teaches, revenge is a part of the human experience, but we should not act on our desires for vengeance or ever claim to know God’s plan for vengeance. May we instead turn our desires for revenge into action that builds more compassion, more hope, and more peace in the world.
May all the hostages come home to their families and friends.
May those who are working for peace be granted strength and courage to continue their sacred work, and may we soon see peace and dignity for all.
May those who are ill find refuat ha’nefesh, healing of the spirit, and refuat ha’gu, healing of the body.
May this be a Shabbat of blessing and of comfort.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rav Leah